Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Randomize
