I'm so fucking centered right now
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
