Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You pole danced in your parka.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
