At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
