dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
