She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
