Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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