shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
