Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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