I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
