I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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