Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
