I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
