Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
