It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
