Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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