Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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