just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
