I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
