my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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