Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
