Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
