Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
