one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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