FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
