Got a toothbrush?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
