apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
