I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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