apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
