Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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