Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
