I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
