my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
