thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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