I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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