party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I smell like Dick and happiness
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
