dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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