Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
