You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
