I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
