This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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