She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
