if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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