I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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