I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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