Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just had sex bonerless
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My vagina is officially offended.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
