There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
