dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
