I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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