happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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