His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
