I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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