So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
